I'm a Mexican. Although Mexico is a very big city, it’s still more conservative than Los Angeles. In my ideas, at least to a certain extent, this is mostly because Mexico is the second largest Catholic country in the word.
People here who even don’t take religion seriously may also be influenced naturally by some of its core ideas. This may also includes some homosexual. Not only me, but also most of the bi people here are afraid to come out of closet, cause everyone will make fun of you, tease you, even beat you up, repel you.
As long as I can remember, I’ve been attracted to both boys and girls, though nobody know the truth(include my dad and mom). I was afraid to be stared at by a group of people at my middle school time. You can not image that how confused I was and my fear of being laughed at.
In Mexico culture, it’s oak to be close to anther one, unless it reaches a boundary of romance or sex. Even in this respect, there is a kind of “only homosexual is your” mindset. I had a chance to mix with men , but I was afraid to play in that game. I’m afraid to love it too much to think of nothing else and more than to be laughed at as “too sissy”. I decided to restrain my attractiveness to men. I decided to focus on women only. Because I was also attracted by girls, I thought I would get everything I wanted from my girlfriend. I will never stop explore my homo appeal forever and I also try to get more “masculine” by taking martial arts training and exercising in the gym. I think this kind of activity will make me “more like a man”.
I live in Losangeles now, and there are millions of people outside the door. But I still feel there's no need to follow. I think there's always someone who won't accept me for some reason. You can't please everyone as they say. But there will always be someone who takes me there, holding my hand in a hard day. Those are the people worth knowing.
Now anyone is struggling to accept themselves, struggle to come out and be afraid of being rejected: I’d just say this. You must be honest with yourself first. Otherwise, how can you find a friend who can accept the real you? You can't expect others to accept you unless you accept yourself. In all your glory, do not consider whether you conform to this or that kind of gender norm or sexual role. It's you. This is indeed the first step. So seek a community that will love you can really start your bi life.